I used to have this poster on my bedroom wall when I was a little girl that said “A friend is someone who knows all about you and still loves you.”. There are more people there for me than I even realized or acknowledged to myself. People who DO know EVERYTHING about me, and still love me. People who can love me through the best and worst of who I am. And is love nothing more than friendship on fire? If my friends love me like that, shouldn’t anyone else? I think so.

I have learned to accept myself as a work in progress, and forgiven myself for my periods of weakness. Why? Because I know that when I apologize, I mean it. When I say I will do something, I do it. I make immediate changes in my life to initiate growth when I know its whats needed to be a healthier person. It takes a strong, beautiful person full of genuine love to do those things. There are people who think that qualities like that are easy to find, and should be found in anyone. And they SHOULD be… but they arent. Those who love me love me for that strength I have, that emotional generosity I have, that allows me to make the effort to right my wrongs. A lot of people dont do that. When I love, I love for real. Thick and thin, no matter what. I make mistakes, but I do my part to make things right. More often than not, I give and give and give, emotionally, and it makes me happy. I have my issues, and they play themselves out in my life: but I cop to them and deal with them head on, and I admire that about myself. I love myself so I forgive myself. Thats what love is.

I am deserving of the success that is coming my way, baby step by baby step every single day. And I need to remind myself of that in the face of my own humanity, in the face of my own dark side. It’s okay to be dead wrong, if you learn from it and use it to be better.

02/18/08